Not too long ago, I went on several dates with a guy who was very similar to me. We were both type A go-getters.
We even had similar “war stories” from work. He worked in private equity, and I work as a corporate attorney.
We talked about our late nights at the office, working harder than ever and even touching on money and our world views.
And, though it seemed like out of nowhere to me, the guy said he didn’t think it was a good idea to go out anymore because he didn’t think I would ever “slow down in my career.”
He thought he wanted someone who was also career-oriented, but discovered he actually did not.
After the initial blow off, I thought more about his comments and I decided he was right.
Not right in the sense that I wouldn’t slow down in my career (because we had never talked about that), but right that I came off as very career-oriented in a way that was not-so-sexy and attractive to a successful man.
If I want a masculine man, I need to exude femininity. The problem is, working around all males in an environment that rewards masculine energy has stripped me of this.
In an effort to “have it all,” including a husband, family and a career, I think the balance lies not in how you allocate your time (whether you work or stay home), but in how you act during that time.
Like my brother said to me, “It’s all about perception. You can have both.”
As a career woman, you just have to be more conscious of how you use your energies at home and at work.
So, if you want a killer career and a masculine guy, the first thing you need to do is understand what perception you’re giving off to people in different settings, specifically whether your energy is masculine or feminine.
Feminine Energy Vs. Masculine Energy
Feminine energy means you are intuitive, connected, relational, cooperative, receptive, emotional, collaborative, flexible, magnetic and journey-oriented.
Your feminine side is the fun, open, creative and “girly” free spirit that you had while in college.
Masculine energy means you are aggressive, decisive, providing, logical, leading, direct, protective, competitive, planning, strong, controlling and result-oriented.
Your masculine side is the, “b*tches get sh*t done” quote on your Monday morning mug next to your to-do list.
Everyone has both masculine energy and feminine energy. The amount of each that you exude is completely dependent on you individually (your personality) and your environment (surroundings).
Femininity is attractive to masculine men.
A masculine man might respect a woman who has masculine energy in the workplace, but he is less likely to be attracted to that energy.
Masculine men are hunters; they like to pursue. Conversely, men who don’t have their sh*t together tend to be attracted to women who exude masculine energy because they themselves have feminine energy (think of your girlfriend who has a promising career and is successful, but who is dating a guy who isn’t motivated and parties a lot).
Often, the successful female attracts these guys because she exudes masculine energy in her private life.
Home Vs. Work
For the career woman who wants it all (the career and the masculine man), you have to choose when to channel your feminine and masculine energies. Otherwise, one will crumble or it won’t be right for you.
In your home life, whether with your husband or out with someone you just met from Tinder, think about what you want.
If you want a masculine, strong man, you should focus on being fun, flirty and channeling your inner feminine side.
This is attractive to masculine men. It’s not the time to be hyper-responsible and “in charge” of any and everything.
Similarly, when you’re at work, you should project your masculine energy. This is the decisive, motivated, go-getter mindset. It’s rewarded in the workplace.
Being fun, flirty and feminine in the workplace is generally frowned upon in corporate America.
Putting It To Practice
If you want to enhance either your feminine or masculine side, here are a few suggestions: For feminine activities, try to spend time with more women, whether that’s through organized groups, like a book club, or just with your friends.
Their energy will rub off on you. Dance or yoga classes are also a great way to channel your inner creative, feminine side.
If you want more masculine energy, get out a notepad and write down your goals, plan your career and get involved in leadership activities.
The bottom line is, you need to think about what you want in your life for your relationships and for your career. If you want to be happy and fulfilled, no one else can decide that but you.
If you want a masculine man who enjoys being the provider, you need to take it down a notch in your private life, and be the fun, feminine woman that guy is attracted to.
And if not, then that’s okay, too.
Written by Natalie Bacon